Why Summer Makes Your Friends Feel Distant (and Why It’s Normal)
What social science says about seasonal drift, and why your friends might feel distant, without meaning to be
Just like leadership, friendship shifts in the summer, and that’s not a red flag; it’s a rhythm. As the days get longer and schedules loosen up, the way we connect with each other quietly transforms. You might find that texts take longer to get answered, regular meetups get postponed, or even that close friends seem to drift into the background. It can feel confusing, or even a little hurtful, especially if you're someone who thrives on consistency. But here’s the good news: there’s a psychological reason for all of it. Researchers call it recreational reorientation, a shift toward less structured, more pleasure-driven behavior that often includes broadening our social circles in low-commitment ways.
A study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science (Husky et al., 2023) explains how seasonal cycles shape fundamental aspects of our psychology, from mood to motivation to social energy. In the summer, we tend to prioritize spontaneity, recreation, and self-expression.
So if it feels like the group chat has gone quiet or your favorite person hasn't reached out in a while, chances are it's not personal. It's summer.
We send shorter texts not because we care less, but because we’re more often on the move. We make fewer plans in advance because summer invites spontaneity: a quick hike, a last-minute beach day, a “let’s wing it” approach to life. We may not always have the same bandwidth for deep conversations or regular rituals, and while it’s easy to interpret that as a lack of interest, it’s usually just a shift in mode, not meaning.
In fact, a 2020 study found that people’s social networks expand in the summer and contract in the winter, suggesting that our social brains are wired to adapt with the seasons. We go wide in the summer, more acquaintances, more events, more casual run-ins, and go deep in the winter, when we lean on our closest ties for warmth and connection.
What does this mean for us as friends, and as people trying to build and maintain meaningful relationships?
It means we can breathe a little easier. Recognizing these rhythms (in both yourself and others) allows you to show up with more care, less judgment, and a lot more grace. Instead of jumping to conclusions, we can remind ourselves: “This is seasonal, not personal.” That shift in mindset can spare us unnecessary worry and help us be better friends in the long run.
It also gives us permission to match the season without guilt. Maybe this is your summer of soft connections, brief chats, shared playlists, and occasional updates. Or maybe it’s a time to reach outward and reconnect with friends you don’t usually see during the busy year. Whether you're craving deep talks or just sending memes, there’s room for it all.
Friendship doesn’t disappear in the summer, it just changes shape. And like any healthy relationship, it can withstand a little sunlight and space.
